New Series: The Dating Diaries

I have been toying with the idea of running this series for quite some time but wanted to be

sure it was done correctly (i.e. in a manner no one would feel bad/exposed.)

The amusement my friends experience from my dating life is far too great for it not to

be shared with others. And so, from time to time you can hear about my near huge misses

in the world of dating.

 

 Let us start with the man that showed up to our date with the entire front of his car missing.

No I was not making a cameo in a 2chainz video this was real life.

Things happen and who am I to judge, so of course I got in and was immediately warned of the loud

“whooshing” noises that would ensue due to there being … no front end.

Going over any type of bump caused something that was dangling on the undercarriage to

scrape along the pavement and at red lights people stared shamelessly.

Our first date was okay, he forced me to eat things I had said I did not care for but wanting to be open I had a taste. He was incredulous at my lack of desire for tuna tartare. Sorry..?

 

 

I thought I would give things another shot and invited him to an event that involved free alcohol and food. He had mentioned (loudly might I add) that his favorite word was free.

 

 

I get into the car that has half it’s body missing, strap on my seatbelt (because he drove like a maniac) and he awkwardly spreads his arms apart for a hug.

 

Even though I just. Buckled. My. Seatbelt.

He’s also wearing a huge orange puffy jacket that is about three sizes too large.

 

 

At the event he begins throwing back each drink he receives as if he is a freshman on spring break in Cabo while spitting while he talks (loudly) to anyone who will listen.

 

Staggering to the bathroom every two minutes gave me moments to try to salvage the situation as I was there attempting to network with other writers and foodies.

 

He had been tallying the number of hugs I “owed” him ever since I politely declined

the awkwardness in the car and then went on to say he would need to take a nap before driving me home. Perhaps we could “cuddle” during said nap. Perhaps not. 

 

 

There were so many embarrassing aspects to the evening but I think divulging anymore would be less funny, more-so a road I would not like to travel down.

 

 

Believe it or not, this was not my worst date. By far. 

 

 

Tell me your thoughts!