The Dating Diaries: Things You Never Do On A Date

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A recent date I went on ended with me in an absolute state of disbelief.

 Let me give you some background….

A nice guy that I had been chatting with for some time finally asked me out.

He seemed incredibly nervous which I found endearing.

However, after picking me up he backed his car into the carport we have off the driveway

(my roommate has three cars and we only have so many garages.)

 

 

He came precariously close to hitting one of those three vehicles so I had to quickly coach him on how to exit without creating more damage. This date was off to a good start.

 

  Let me also mention there were papers littering the floor (on my side, which did not seem to bother him at all.) A dirty car is a sign of lack of upkeep in many other areas of a persons life.

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During dinner, he seemed to get buzzed after only a few sips of his drink and repeatedly did that disgusting snorting thing some guys do when there is an accumulation of something in their sinuses. Not okay. Ever.

If you think this prince charming sounds like the man of your dreams now 

please just hold on, it gets much better. 

There are certain things I believe do not need to be shared on a first date. Informing me that if you found someone you truly connected with, you would want to engage in behavior involving a certain illegal substance… quickest way to get me to run.

 

 

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 Confusion does not even begin to describe where I was at. This man obtained his law degree from an Ivy (as he reminded me about 40 times during dinner) but lacked all common sense.

Then he shit.

Perhaps I should have delivered that with more eloquence but how else do you say it!?

He went to the bathroom, leaving his keys and phone which was good because he was gone for quite a length of time, had he not, I would have been worried he had run off.

 

 

 

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He was in the bathroom for literally 20 minutes. Clearly taking a poo.

Who does that on a date? 

He asked me out for another date immediately.

 Oh….

 

 

 

What are your absolute “nevers” for a first date?